Digital ravings of an analog girl






         Shoes and the meaning of life.

Archive for Shoe Month

May 15, 2009

Fly Buys Cooler

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 6:00 pm
Tags: , , , ,
Practical and a bit worse for wear

Practical and a bit worse for wear

There was a challenge on the noticeboard at work, asking “How do we make Fly Buys cooler?”  This was my team’s response:

Fly Buys Cooler
1 part Vodka
1 part Cointreau
1 Berocca Performance
Cranberry Juice

I’ve just mixed up a pitcher and we’re about to try it.  …
…Mmmmm…. Bracing. I think I need to try some more…
The best answers come when you misunderstand the question don’t they?
WooHoo! TGIF!
i love you man!  you’ve always been my favrit…
May 14, 2009

Helloooo Messrs Choo, Blahnik and Louboutin…

Gold Darling!

Gold Darling!

Last night, in an attempt to get shoe month going how I wanted, I became a follower of Messrs Choo, Blahnik and Louboutin on Twitter.  I figured they might follow me back and stumble onto shoe month.

So far… nuthin’.  But in case you ever read this, Jimmy, Manolo or Christian (can I call you by you first names?), let me explain that I am not a journalist, therefore do not have any of those pesky jounalistic integrity issues.  I will happily write about your shoes!

Of course, I would need to have a pair… (European size 39.  Height of heel, impracticality and outrageousness are no object).  Just drop me a pair and I’ll wax lyrical about them.

Actually, I did once own a pair of Jimmy Choos which I bought second hand to wear to a wedding.  They looked absolutely beautiful, but sadly, were two sizes too small for me.  At the wedding reception I sold them to another guest who admired them, and went home barefoot.  All in all, a pretty good days work.  Bought shoes, wore them to wedding, took them off to dance at reception, sold shoes, walked away one pound, two pence up.  (I’m not making this up, I really did sell my shoes… and my hat.  That family no longer invites me to weddings.)

I think it’s one of the best deals I’ve ever done.  Come on… cut me a break!  Surely you’ve sold bits of your outfit at a wedding?…

May 13, 2009

Shoes and punishment

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 6:40 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
Shoes and punishment

Shoes and punishment

When I was little, my mum used to threaten me with ‘the slipper of pain’ when I was naughty.  I think I only copped the slipper a couple of times (this was pre-Anti-Smacking-Bill, when beating your children was still legal), but the memory of the sting and humiliation kept me in check till I was… Heck!  Till now really… 

Anyway, time and tides have moved on, and I am now a more evolved being.   I do not have children to threaten, or the ‘slipper of pain’ to use. 

These days I threaten my boss with these red, spike heeled sandals.  I should qualify this by pointing out that I threaten my boss 3 – 4 times a day – it’s the dynamic of our relationship.  Most of the time he laughs it off, but when I threaten the red spikes, he starts to look worried.  The truth is that if I took one off and threw it at his head, I would almost certainly draw blood.  Lucky the shoes are already red, so the stain wouldn’t really show.

However, if I tripped and fell off these shoes, that would almost certainly draw blood also.  That would hurt a lot more than wounding my boss. 

I always did like dangerous stuff… :)

May 12, 2009

My lovely assistant…

Another angle

Another angle

Check out my tan boots, photographed from the feature angle (i.e. from behind) by my lovely assistant Hannah.  What I really should do is put up a pic of my lovely assistant Hannah – she’s very cute – but she’s gone home for the day, and I’m pretty sure it’s good etiquette to ask before you post someone’s picture on your blog.  Also, she’s not really my lovely assistant, although she is lovely.

My lovely assistant is called Nick, and today Nick and I had words.  Not over my boots, but over a work thing – Responsibility.  Good God!  When did I even start being able to pronounce responsibility, let alone argue about it?  I mean look at my shoes!  Do I seem like a responsibility junkie?

Sigh…  I’ll have to wear my most irresponsible shoes tomorrow just to feel like my old (young) self.  I challenge you to go out and be irresponsible today, then tell me about it.

May 11, 2009

Do my feet look fat in these?

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 6:55 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
The cover-up

The cover-up

After my near-naked trapse on the internet in my jandals yesterday (surely the foot equivalent of appearing in a thong), I felt the need to cover up today – hence the red ankle boots under conservative pants.  The pedal nudity worked however. Wow! Up to 177 twitter followers today. 65 of them are diet gurus.  80 are social media experts.  OK, I get the social media thing.  I suppose Twitter is their space – but, I’m still puzzled by the diet gurus.  So far, the only pics I’ve posted anywhere are of my face or my feet, both of which are quite slim and fit-looking.  They do not belie the delicious roly-poly bits of me that lie between them.

So how did the diet and fitness guys identify me?  And why do they keep tweeting food deprivation tips at me? I am that rare breed of woman who is a bit of a porker, but prefers herself that way. I like eating. A lot.  As in I like eating very much and large quantities.

In fact, me and my fat feet are headed for a very nice dinner right now diet guys.  I plan to eat protien, carbs and fat all in one meal, and may even top it off with some beer. Then I’m thinking some chocolate to cleanse my pallette. Mmmmmmm.

May 10, 2009

It’s my thing. Let it go.

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 3:56 pm
Tags: ,

My jandals.

My jandals.

Today I’m heading out for a pedicure, so I’m wearing my jandals, even though it’s freezing outside.  Of course, during this time of the year, no-one sees my feet, so why get a pedicure?  Well, aside from the impetus to wear every pair of shoes I own for shoe month, it makes me feel good.  Trashy mags, a massage chair and several Thai pedicurists who talk amongst themselves, and not to me.  Bliss!  Leave it alone!  It’s my thing.  What’s yours?

 

 

 

A date with my gay ex.

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 3:52 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Flirty, and a bit gay...

Flirty, and a bit gay...

Last night my gay ex boyfriend Mark* took me out for dinner and a movie.  It’s always a dilemma what to wear when one goes out with one’s gay ex.  On the one hand, Mark is always well groomed and wildly attractive to both men and women, so I don’t want him showing me up.   On the other hand, I’m fairly certain I’m not going to be getting any at the end of the night, so there seems little point in dressing attractively for him.  I wrestle with the dilemma briefly and then give in and dress as if I’m going out on a real date – hence my flirty black pumps with the red velvet bow.

 

 

 

Now I liked Mark quite a lot when we were going out.  But I have to admit, I like him better now.  It’s not just that we have much more in common (an appreciation of Johnny Depp, high fashion and musical theatre), it’s that we’re much more relaxed with each other now.  There’s still a great deal of chemistry there (he’ll say so too), but no pressure to prove anything.  If only we could maintain this level of comfort and intimacy, and be having sex, he’d be my perfect man. 

But then again, I have never found a pair of comfortable, flat, warm, soft shoes that are sexy.  Why should I expect that combination in a man?

 

*Mark is not my gay ex’s real name – he’s not out to his mum yet.  It was probably a dumb idea to come out to me though, as I know and love his mum, and I’m likely to blurt it out by accident over coffee some time.

Oh, and in case my ex who’s real name is Mark is reading: Relax Mark.  Everyone knows you’re not gay… you faithless dog. J

 

NB. This is Saturday’s blog, posted on Sunday due to technical difficulties.  Really, I shouldn’t be trusted with a computer and a modem.

May 8, 2009

Please don’t leave me foot fetish guy!

Yellow sneakers

Yellow sneakers

YAY! Today I got my first foot fetish follower on Twitter!  At last, shoe month is succeeding!  Come out of the woodwork all ye weird-ass fetishists.  I want the blog posts, key words, status updates and tweets to work.

Sadly, my FFF will be woefully disappointed with the tatty yellow sneakers I’m wearing today.  So sorry – it’s casual Friday at work.  And it’s cold.  And I started early. 

But don’t leave me!  I promise all the kinky shoes and boots will come out next week.  Honest!  I have a pair of sandals that I could despatch a vampire with.  And a pair of black patents that can really only be worn with fishnet tights.  Hang around.  You won’t be sorry. :)

May 7, 2009

Shoe month, yes men and Jesus…

The Mary Janes that started it...

The Mary Janes that started it...

Check out my red Mary Janes.  Comfy, cute, and, as it happens, conversation starters. 

 

 

 

This morning while waiting for the lift, a lady complimented my shoes, telling me she had a similar pair… that were blue …and wedge heeled …and not Mary Janes (so not that similar at all really…), that her husband really loves.  She got hers at Hannahs on sale a few months back, and hid them from her husband initially.  But now, he loooooves them.

Yes, I got this all in the 30 seconds we shared outside and inside the lift…  The whole point being, that this woman really didn’t have an interest in my shoes, she just wanted to talk about hers.

The sole of the matter…

Actually, that’s kind of the impression I’m getting about social media.  I’ve only been at it for a week, and I’m reading the blogs of the big social media players – Guy Kawasaki, Seth Godin, Chris Brogan (who got me started with all this), which I find incredibly useful, insightful and entertaining. 

Then I go on to read the slew of comments posted after each blog, and find myself wading through a wave of smug me-too-ness and self-congratulating drivel, with only the occasional nugget of real wisdom.  Now I realise that the point of social media is to share, but surely sharing is about more than agreeing with everything that’s said and demonstrating how it’s worked fantastically for ME! Are we children?  So wrapped up in our own world and unable to relate outside of it?  How about a good debate – maybe even a virtual punch-up now and again?  How about sharing some stories of dismal failure? 

I’m such a heel…

I guess that making this statement in a blog, is akin to Jesus telling the 5,000 to bugger off home for dinner because he only had two fishes and five loaves (there go my followers – both of them…).  Don’t get me wrong, I’m fascinated by social media.  I’m enjoying all the blogs, tweets, blips and status updates.  I just can’t take all the talking up.  All the time.

I admit I’m not really into positive affirmation as a matter of course.  I only tip when the service has been ‘exceptional’ – not just ‘good’.  And I only compliment another woman’s shoes when I want to know where she got them so I can get some too. 

Is it just me?   

 

May 6, 2009

My younger amour…

Filed under: Shoe Month @ 5:48 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Boots in honour of my younger lover...

Boots in honour of my younger lover...

Today I have on my F***-me boots.  I wasn’t going to call them that, but Madge greeted me this morning with ‘I see you’re wearing your…’ (thanks Madge).  But, now that you mention it…

 

 

 

Anyway, I wore the boots in honour of my car.  I got these boots and my car in the same week, seven years ago.  The boots were new – the car was already a teenager (that’s about 65 in car years). 

My car has been at the panel-beaters for the past two weeks due to an incident involving a driving lesson, my nephew, a roll of lifesavers and another (parked) car.  As a result my car is getting a much needed facelift – it will be looking like a teenager again in no time! 

In the meantime, I have had a loaner car from the shop.  The loaner (let’s call him Jeff – I already do) is new (about 15 in car years).  And while Jeff is nowhere near as sturdy and powerful as my car, he does have a number of youthful features that intrigue and amaze me. 

Like, when I’m listening to the radio in the car, and a song I love comes on, Jeff thoughtfully tells me the name of the song and who’s singing it.  What’s more, Jeff allows me to turn up the volume of the song without removing my hands from the steering wheel.

Last weekend, when I unloaded the groceries from Jeff’s spacious boot, I was able to lock up simply by waving my key at Jeff.  This is a big improvement from my car, which doesn’t help me with my shopping at all.

Plus, it’s been quite cold here the last few days, but Jeff is always warmed up and ready to go when I need him.  And de-misting the windscreen does not require all the other windows to be wound down.  My car suffers with the cold, and takes time to get going.  But then again… so do I.

So what? I hear you say.  These are not amazing features.  Well, maybe not for you, ye owners of young cars, but for me, it is a thrill and a revelation to take a spin with a younger model.  I think I might be having a mid-life crisis. 

My old, comfortable, sturdy car will be back with me tomorrow.  And I’ll be back to singing choruses to help identify songs I like.  Sigh :P

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