April 20, 2009
Back when I was still dating, I was often set up on blind dates by well-meaning friends and marriage-meaning realtives. In those days, I would have a couple of phone calls with the prospect before I met him for a date. Yes, I dated B.G. (before Google) – that’s what we used to do then.
Anyway, it’s just as hard to get to know someone over the phone as it is over the internet, so my opening gambit was always to ask the guy to go to his fridge and tell me what was in it. This told me everything I would need to know about him. Here’s some of the code cracked in case you too want to use this method:
- Expired milk, old cheese and mouldy vegetables – His girlfriend left him some time ago and he needs a new one to clean out the fridge.
- Champagne, proscuitto, asparagus, eyemask, Roquefort and quince paste – Gay.
- Beer, Brie, crackers, vege sticks and Ketchup, pesto dip – Gay, but doesn’t know it.
- Champagne, caviar, arugula, pomegranates – liar, or The Aga Khan…
- Bread, milk, cheese, chops, carrots, lettuce, cabbage – lives with his mum, but will deny it.
- Chardonay, milk, bread, cheese, hummus, yogurt – lives with his wife, but will deny it.
- Beer/wine, chops, Ketchup, milk (in date), lettuce, tomatoes – Has potential…
- Beer, wine, film, lipstick, milk, Ketchup, moisturiser, cheeses, yogurt, pesto – steer well clear… that’s me!
What’s in your fridge?
April 17, 2009
I have 3 shades of lipstick in my bag right now. The are ‘Mauvy Night’, ‘Spiced Brandy’ and ‘Royal Red’. Frankly, these names make me ashamed to be a marketer. Why do I need a shade name that identifies that the lipstick is a version of red or pink? Is there a huge surge in colour-blindness rates amongst lipstick wearers?
I would like to change the names of the lipstick I wear to ‘Pretending I Don’t Wear Lipstick’, ‘Flirting My Ass Off’ and ‘Don’t Fuck With Me’. Any company that has shades with those names, contact me immediately and I will buy some.
Here’s a question – blokes included. Would you buy a shade of lipstick called ‘Gives Terrific Head’, ‘Deal Closer’ or perhaps ‘So Funny You’ll Wet Yourself’? Ideas please… What would your shade be called?
I will post pictures of my shades as soon as I can figure out how. Don’t wait around, it may take some time…
April 16, 2009
I’ve just spent the evening with the adorable Chris Brogan, uber-blogger and fellow night time epistolist. Also a great real-world guy. He has inspired me to have a go at blogging – especially to while away those frustrating mid night hours when sleep eludes me. I’m working on the theory that sleep deprivation is my muse. We’ll see…
So what’s on my mind at 2.11am on a Friday morning? It’s curly eco lightbulbs.
Did ecobulbs get sexier in the past few months? No, really. When they first came out, I dutifully bought a bunch, but only put them in the light fittings where the bulb was not visible. I thought they looked cheap and ugly, as well as casting a rather sharp, fluorescent-style light that shows up my cellulite and crows feet.
Tonight, I got home, and my hallway light had blown (bare bulb – eek). I only had a curly ecobulb to put in. Guess what? It looks great! I think the design of it is beautiful. I love the way the tube curls around itself – almost like delicate light-tube lovers about to have a pash.
Can’t imagine how I thought this marvel of aesthetic design was ugly. It even has a very cool retro look to it. I’m going to replace all the exposed bulbs in my house with ecobulbs.
For those of you who’ve known me for a while, no, I did not do drugs tonight. I really do have ecobulbs on my mind. Yes, that’s what my muse is telling me to blog about. Noone said sleep deprivation would make the most fascinating of muses…
Oh arse! I’ve just realised that now I’ve got to figure out how the heck to post this online. Writing of blog, 5 minutes. Posting of blog, 127 minutes…
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